you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
