Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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