I'm really into asian looking animals
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
