I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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