There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
