we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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