I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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