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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.

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• (716): View more from New York

  The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  you should get a family discount.

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• (219): View more from Indiana

  He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.

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• (631): View more from New York

  lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon

  (1-631): View more from New York

  wow.

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• (209): View more from California

  I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.

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• (269): View more from Michigan

  "I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken

  (269): View more from Michigan

  "Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.

  (1-773): View more from Illinois

  you win some, you lose some.

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• (361): View more from Texas

  I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...

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• (917): View more from New York City

  i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire

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• (219): View more from Indiana

  Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me

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• (559): View more from California

  This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.

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