i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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