WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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