I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
