Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
