"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
