I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
