well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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