Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
