every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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