Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize