even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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