I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
