Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
