Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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