I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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