I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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