Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We need a shit load of segways right now
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
