and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize