im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
