Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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