Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
