Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize