apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
