I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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