Small penises have feelings too.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
