everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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