Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
