but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
