I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
