Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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