I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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