You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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