She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
