Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
