Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We just shotgunned beers for America
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
