I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
