I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
