I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
