sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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