i was born a porn star she said
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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