Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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