Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just want to make out with him forever
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
