Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
It's just like the Real World with babies
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
