A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Dick very happy bro
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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