Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
No subtext here. People are naked.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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