just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
