The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
