i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize