Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
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