Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
