umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
