I smell stomach acid.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
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