he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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