he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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