I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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