There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm always down for nudity.
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