i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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