Can i not drive my cunt home
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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