i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
