You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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