Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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