I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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