and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
