I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
