i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
