Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
