I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize