its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
false alarm, still single
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
