Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
