How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You dont lie about slip and slides
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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