I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
