Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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