I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We had to coat check the pizza.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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