tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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