omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
