first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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