Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
