Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The air taste purple.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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