Don't you send me to vm
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
