Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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