I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
