I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
