I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize