the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
