True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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