I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
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