the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
