He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
