OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize