i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I understand Curling. That high.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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