Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize