are you so shy because you have an std?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
